She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
