well you can't waste a boner
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
