I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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