Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I puked a lego.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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