I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
