You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
