so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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