From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
