but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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