Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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