I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
