WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sext me about skeletons
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
