please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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