i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
