Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
