Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
