White coat. Heels.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
