We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
