Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Your penis caused this!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
