I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
