Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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