it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
