I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
