ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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