I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
