I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
