how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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