And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
