Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So. Much. Porn.
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