Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
