the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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