I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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