I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
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Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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