i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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