She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
