i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
