dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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