I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
