Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
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I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
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IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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