i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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