How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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