you're like a bully in the Christmas story
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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