Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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