Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
