It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
