Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
