i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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