Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
