I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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