I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
