I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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