You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
