I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
