Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
