speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
