the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
