So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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