Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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