I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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