it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
