I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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