i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so let's talk penis.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
